An Irken Christmas
by Mandy Smirkke
Summary: Dib decides to take a new role and ends up turning the human race against Zim. Meanwhile, the Irkens cut off communication. Gaz runs away from home just in time to help Zim. Will Christmas have a new meaning?
1. Chapter One What is this Christmas?

An Irken Christmas

Chapter One What is this "Christmas"?

"And that is why we have Christmas," croaked Mrs. Bitters. Dib raised his hand. "What Dib? No, there weren't any aliens there."

"But how do you know the angels weren't aliens in disguise?" Dib pressed.

"You're crazy," Jessica, the blonde girl jeered, as everyone agreed.

"So, Zim," Dib said, leaning over to his nemesis, "Do they have _Christmas _on your planet?"

"Uh... Why... yes.. Yes we do. We always have your... _Earth ceremonies _of the bringing of gold and other various EARTH SCUM INVENTORY! to little--erm... worm babies.

Dib narrowed his eyes and Zim's pathetic recreation of Christmas and said, "See?! He doesn't even know what Christmas is!"

"At least he doesn't fill it with Big Foot and Sasquatch!" One of the students shouted out.

"Those are the same things," Dib blinked.

"Well you would know..."  
The door suddenly slammed open, and a silence fell over the classroom as soon as everyone saw Gaz and heard the ominous thunder that followed, "Dad wants you home early on Christmas. He just called and I'm telling you because I don't want to forget while you're off doing... Whatever you do. So don't go hunting the Abominable Snowman... or Chickenfoot, or whatever."

"Chickenfoot isn't real!" Dib cried out.

"Then why were you chasing him, stupid?" Gaz said as a closing and walked off.

Dib muttered something under his breath and then noticed Zim who was staring intently at the door. Yes, that was what Dib was doing, "Can't wait to get out of school to work on your latest plan to destroy the Earth, _alien?_"

"Don't be silly... I love the Earth! See my Earth flag?" Zim pulls an Earth flag out of his desk then waves it around.

"Wow cool!" Keef commented as Zim smirked.

"See? I am a normal Earth child, NOT AN ALIEN!" he boomed, in his Irken invader voice.

"Then how do you explain your dog?! He answers the door, and he doesn't even bark! He walks on his hind-legs like a human!"

"Well, so do I, but you're calling me an alien," he grinned cleverly.

"But you are an alien! Your skin is green!"

"Actually it's a disease called Lepopratic, which is a very mild version of leprosy." A small girl's voice chimed in as everyone looked to the back where she sat. She would be only slightly taller than Zim, and her hair was a bright pink, her skin pale, and with the slightest, greenish tint, that even Dib couldn't notice it, "Not as deadly or contagious, it just.. basically turns your skin green." Therefore, Dib was now, officially crazy.

"What?! But he _is _an alien... I've seen him!" Dib retorted at her.

"**I AM NOT AN ALIEN!!"** Zim boomed, once again, in his invader voice.

The bell rang after that, and no further arguments aroused, since Dib stood up to confront Zim, but got ran over by everyone as they ran out of the jail, known as school. Even Zim got to step onto the big-headed boy, even if he hardly weighed anything. Dib growled and chased Zim out of the school, "I know your secret..."

"What secret? I have no secrets."

"You're an alien!!!" Dib shouted, getting many strange looks from other students.

"Come on, stupid, it's time to go, and it looks like it's going to snow again... It's freezing out here," Gaz glared at her brother.

"You'll see, Zim..." Dib closed as Gaz dragged him away.

"No, Dib... You will be the one who sees! I shall rain Christmassy doom upon your big, pathetic head!" Zim spit out, and started to laugh maniacally.

Gaz and Dib's footsteps echoed in the empty town as they walked home.

"Dib, I don't know why you always have to start with Zim, but you better not go crazy at dinner at Christmas, because if you do, do you know how horrible and utterly doomed your life will be?"

"Um... Could you make a comparison?" Dib queries, almost afraid to look up at his scary sister.

"It's too awful to compare your doom with anything... Remember what I said... And don't bug me at all."

"But--" The door was slammed in Dib's face as he realized that they had reached their house. The lock clicked. Gaz had locked him out, and it was freezing. He sighed and walked down the street, noticing that new girl on the other side, he shouted over, "Hey! Why did you have to do that?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"Defend Zim... He's an alien you know..."

She looks around, slightly rolling her eyes, "No he's not... He just has that minor leprosy thing..."

"That is such a lie! How come I've never heard of it then?"

"Because it's very rare and they want to keep it under wraps so no one will question it... It's not serious or anything.. it's just--"

"I can't believe you're taking his side! What about the ears? He has no ears!"

She shrugs, "Maybe that's part of it too... I haven't looked into that much," and with that she walked off, to her house, which was only a few houses down from Dib's, and across the street.

Gaz stood at the doorway, "Why do you have to be my brother? What did you do that for?"

"He's an alien! I bet she is, too! She was defending him, Gaz! Even you should know that Zim is an alien! He is!"

"Dib..." she took a bite out of her ham sandwich, "Zim's not an alien... Even I know that... Even Keef knows that... And Keef's pretty stupid."

"But that's why you wouldn't think he was an alien!" Dib immediately regretted saying that.

Gaz spit out a piece of her sandwich, "Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"No..." Dib started to back away.

"Listen to me Dib, I don't want you... doing that thing..."

"What thing?" He asked, still backing into the street.

"That thing, where you try to think Zim's an alien... It's annoying. Just. Stop."

"But--" The door slammed once more, making Dib jump. The lock clicked. Dib walked down the street, towards Zim's house to be.. his annoying self... Disobeying Gaz's orders.

Gaz finished her sandwich as she went upstairs and jumped onto her bed, pulling out a small, violet book.

"Dear book," she wrote, "I really hate Christmas. Dib's just as annoying as ever and Dad's finally coming home for about an hour to eat with us... Unless he has to do something." Her hand writing was incredibly neat, and in cursive, not the type of handwriting you might expect her to have. "He usually makes us say something, like something we lied about... I really hate it sometimes when he visits at Christmas, but I like it better when we go to the Piggy place.. Dib doesn't get that I'd rather spend time with Dad than go 'alien hunting.' Dad doesn't even believe in that stuff, so why does he do it? I really hate living here, but I probably write that a lot. I think after Christmas I'm leaving... I don't know where I'm going, but one thing is for sure.... Zim is definitely an alien, so maybe he'll help."


	2. Chapter Two I Hate You All

Chapter Two I Hate You All

One week later, Gaz sat down at the table, left to her father and Dib sat across from her. He was strangely angry today... And Gaz seemed distracted somehow. She was thinking, _As soon as Dib starts to freak out and tell dad about Zim and show him his proof, I'm gonna make a run for it. _Sure, it might have been a silly idea, but it would work. The dinner was slow and Professor Membrane was asking obvious questions that he should have known, being their dad, but it was coming: the question he always asked.

"So Dib, anything you'd like to tell your sister? Don't hold back..."

Since the professor was there, Dib smirked, "Well..." Gaz twitched as he continued, "There's this alien at school, but Gaz doesn't believe me, and she just has been berserk over the past week, with hating Christmas and all.. You know, she won't even admit that Zim's an alien, but he is!! She's even seen him--"

"Okay! That's it! I am so sick of you always talking about Zim! Is he an obsession or something?! Do you have a _crush _on him? Or is there something deep down inside you that makes you think that he's better than you? Fine! I'll say it! Zim _IS _an alien who's hell-bent on destroying the Earth! But I don't care! And do you know _why I don't care?_" Gaz paused for a second, leaving Dib too appalled to think, but at the same time, think so much, "It's because he is the worse invader in all of Irk! He's not going to take over Earth! The Tallest made it so that he couldn't! With Gir around he can't do anything right!"

There was a long, and awkward silence.

Dib finally found his voice, "How do you know all that?"

"Because anyone with the right equipment can figure all that out and if you were better at spying, then you would know," she said, passing him up at what talent he thought to be only his talent.

"You--you spied on Zim? Why?"

"Because I wanted to know more about him than you, so that one day when you thought you knew everything, I could beat you, because you always think that you're the best."

"Wh--what?" Dib was dumbfounded.

"I hate this stupid place! I hate our school, this house, this city, this PLANET!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm leaving." She stated bluntly.

"How?"

"I'm going to get a ship from Zim and leave."

"You can't do that!"

"I am, and you can't stop me!" She bolted for the door that she had unlocked earlier for quick escape. Being on her father's left, she was able to get to the door more quickly. Snagging her bag of things, she jumped out of the door and slammed it in Dib's face for the third time. She took one step before her eyes grew wide. There the new girl was, with research papers in her hand.

"Gaz!!!" Dib shrieked, fiddling with the knob. Gaz wasted no time and flung the girl behind her, running as fast as she could to Zim's fortress.

Dib flew out of the door, right into the girl, and they both shrieked a similar shriek. "Oh, sorry, " Dib picked up the papers, forgetting what he was doing.

"I brought some papers I found on Lepopratic. You know so you could--"

"Ah--sorry--I have to go find my sister," Dib shoved her out of the way and headed for Zim's place.

"Just a few more adjustments and we'll have fixed your behavioral problems, Gir," Zim said, jumbling through Gir's head, "What is this?" He asked, pulling out a sticky, chocolate substance.

"It's a cupcake!" came the high-pitched shriek.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh what now? Don't they know an invader's work is never done?!" Switching into his brilliant disguise, he approached the door, with Gir in his dog suit, coming up behind him. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Gaz standing there, "Umm..."

"Yeah, yeah, hurry up, Dib's coming." Gaz pushed her way into his house and slammed the door shut, although not in Dib's face this time.

"So, what are you doing here?" Zim asked, locking the door.

"Okay, I know you're an alien, so don't even say you're not... Who am I supposed to tell anyway? I'm not like Dib, and I hate this place just as much as you do."

"Yeah, I'm an alien."

"Your disguise blows."

Zim laughed heartily. Gaz managed a giggle, but she doesn't know what's funny.

"So how do I get out of this dump?"

"You'll need one of my state-of-the-art ships.. But they take years to learn how to maneuver."

"Well--"

A loud banging came from the door.

"It's gotta be Dib," Gaz said.

"Quick, there's a secret--"

"Yeah, I know," she interjected, pressing a button on the back of the couch and sliding down a chute to a secret, enclosed area.

Zim answered the door with Dib standing there, just as Gaz had said.

"Where is she?" He shouted at Zim.

"Where's who?"

"You know, Gaz! She said she was coming here."

"She said no such thing to me."

"Of course she didn't tell you, she was going to steal one of your ships! She told me!"

"She must have been joking with you then. Everyone knows you're crazy."

"I'm not crazy!"

"Crazy."

"I **AM NOT!**"

"HAVE YOU THE WORMBRAINS, PATHETIC HUMAN?!"

"What?"

"The wormbrains.. oh they're eating your insides," Zim said unenthusiastically, "oh dear. Better report that to your father, now run along puny, Earth scum!"

Dib was too confused to argue, a technique that Irkens used all the time. Distract the enemy long enough to take them down. Dib wondered about half-way to his house when he met the girl again and she started rambling on about Lepopratic. Zim took off his disguise as he pressed the button on the couch again and Gaz resurfaced.

"Come to my lab," he said ominously.

"How'd you get rid of him?"

"Utter confusion... A technique us Irkens have used for..."

"Yeah, yeah, I didn't ask for your life story."

Zim smirked at her comment.

They reached the lab through the trashcan once more and Zim took her to the controls, "This button brings all the models onto the screen. If you need any help, Computer will teach if I am not around. This is very delicate equipment so--"

"What's this button do?" Gaz asked, pressing a violet button.

"No don't--!" A large volt of electricity went through the entire house and the rest of the town, giving everything and everyone a mild shock.

"Ooh cool," she said, her voice peaking with interest. She reached for the button again, but Zim grabbed her wrist.

"Don't do that again," he narrowed his ruby eyes, and she giggled nervously. It was perfect.


	3. The Beginning

Chapter Three The Beginning

"Ms. Bitters, where are Zim and Gaz? They've been absent for a week," Dib questioned.

"Well shouldn't you know that? Gaz _is _your sister," the hag croaked.

"But--"

"Now class, let's talk about how the Earth is doomed... again."

As Ms. Bitters started to talk about doom, Dib pondered what Zim had meant when he realized that Zim had just confused him and that he must have been hiding Gaz for some unknown reason. Slowly the day droned on as Dib set up his plan if Zim would not talk.

"I hope everyone paid attention.. Because this will be on a major exam tomorrow," Ms. Bitters announced as the bell rang. Dib ran to Zim's house.

The doorbell rang and Zim looked up from his lesson with Gaz, "Oh, who could that be?" he said with annoyance ringing through his voice, "Gir! Tell the Earth scum outside that I am ill with... that... thing that humans get when they're sick--"

"Pneumonia," Gaz said, fiddling on the computer.

"Right... that thing."

"Okey-dokey," Gir's high pitched voice replied as he skipped up to the door.

"Hi, Dib!" he screamed as he opened the door.

"Where's Zim?" Dib immediately asked.

"Um.. he's sick with.. pneu-- pneu... new money." Gir struggled.

"New money? What? Do you mean pneumonia?"

"Yeah! That! 'Kay, bye now!" Gir shut the door in Dib's face.

"This just isn't my week," he grumbled. Dib walked home and opened the door, at least Gaz hadn't locked him out. He took his spy equipment and made his way to Zim's base.

In the alleyway, he had made a tunnel leading to Zim's lab. Stepping inside the tunnel, Dib made his way in the turning corridor and eventually came upon the lab. He looked through a spying hole. Gaz was sitting on a captain's chair inside one of the ships that Zim had in his base. The door to the ship was wide open for no apparent reason. She looked strange with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, with some strands hanging in front of her eyes. She looked nicer that way.

"Now that you know all the basic controls... It's time I showed you how to start it," Zim said, examining his surroundings. Dib pulled out a pair of binoculars and zoomed in. He could see Zim's dainty hands as he pointed to the buttons, "First, you must be able to remember a sequence of colors. It's quite easy actually. Red, then green, then white. Got it?"

Gaz blinked, "Yeah."

"Good, then start the **ship**." Zim emphasized the word ship in his mighty Irken voice.

Gaz did as she was told and pressed the buttons, starting the ship up and sending smoke through the room, and especially in Dib's face. He couldn't help but cough.

"**WHO WAS THAT!**" Zim raised his voice at the cough as Dib slunk into the shadows of the tunnel. Gaz hopped down from the chair and walked over to wear Dib's cough came. She pulled away part of the wall where the spying hole was and saw Dib.

"What are you doing?" She asked, annoyance coursing through her body and voice.

"I was um... I..."

"You were spying on me again.. Why don't you just leave me alone! I can take care of myself."

"I can see that," Zim commented, "You ripped away half the wall."

She ignored it and climbed down into the hole, "If you do not leave me alone, I will personally rip out your tongue, and then slowly break apart your spinal cord, pull out your teeth and shove it into your mouth so you'll have to choke on it if you can't chew it, and then if you still don't die, I'll take your tongue and strangle you with it... Got it?" she narrowed her eyes at him.

Zim glanced over fearfully, and then Dib said with doubt, "You wouldn't dare... You probably couldn't even remember all of that."

"You wanna try me?" she threatened, advancing towards him, and she suddenly pulled out a switchblade.

"You carry one of those around?" Dib was utterly shocked.

"Told you I could take care of myself."

"Be gone, Dib Monkey! We have work to do," Zim glared at Dib, and Dib glared at Zim. An intense glare that sent a spark of tension throughout the room.

"Can we please get on with it?" Gaz groans.

"Of course," Zim replies and says to Computer, "Computer, take the Earth scum away."

"Hey! Who you calling scu--AAAAHHH!" Dib fell down a shoot in the floor.

"Now where were we? Of course! Now you have to..."

Dib landed in a dumpster outside. _Zim hadn't even bothered with his disguise... _He thought. _What is he planning? I can get him good this time... But who will believe me now that Gaz is gone? _Dib had this idea that Gaz somehow was on his side and she had gone crazy and joined "the dark side." Dib was annoyed about this, and even that weird, new girl had taken Zim's side... But perhaps... He thought of an idea. One that spawned in his head like the way color flows out of a freshly bought marker.

_Maybe if I pretend this time. If I act like an idiot, and take everyone else's side, they'll believe me more. They'll trust me is the bottom line. If they trust me they'll listen, and I'm sure I can get that new girl on my side since... she's new. If I can do that then Zim will pay. _

What Dib didn't know was that the new girl had already chosen a side.

"My Tallest," reported one of the shortest invaders of the Irken elite. And she was neither Zim nor Skooge, "I have found Zim and I will be delivering the message that communication shall be cut off if he does not take an initiative immediately to destroying slash ruling the Earth. Shall I confirm that his mission was indeed a cruel joke?"

"No," the purple one said, "Tell him everything but it was a joke."

"Besides," red cut in, "It wasn't cruel.. It was genius!"

She rolled her eyes and turned the large monitor off. Slipping into her disguise, she set out of her home. A Sir was useless, and she could especially tell by Zim's Gir. She quickly approached Zim's home and saw Dib falling out of the trashcan, "What are you doing?"

He quickly trotted over to her, flinging a banana peel off of his head, "Don't listen to the class when they call me crazy. I have proof that Zim's an alien, just come with me!"

"Listen... I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you're a little obsessed, Zim's a perfectly normal--"

She was interrupted by an alien shriek and a crash through the window.

"So, does everyone go crashing through the windows of their home?"

"Well, maybe he just has it tough at home," she shrugged, "Anyway, I have.. work to do. So why don't you just take your little _alien _theories and pretend that they actually mean something at your 'lab.' Kay?"

"But--" Dib wanted to argue but he had nothing to say. Zim was an alien, and he knew it, but no matter how hard he tried, no one was going to believe him. This whole situation had irritated him from day one, but having his confidence broken had to be one of the worst feelings in his life. He had always known Zim to be an alien, but now that he knew absolutely no one would believe him, or cared, he didn't really have much to say. And this left him feeling vulnerable as he forgot that he was probably the only person who could stop Zim if there actually was a threat.

After a moment, he realized the girl had left, and he soon came to his senses, "Now where was I?" Then snapping out of the insecure trance he had just been in, he once again remembered his plan, "Oh, yes," he grinned and ran home.


	4. Dib's Ebil Plan

Okay so I haven't seen IZ in a while, and I haven't written this in a while, so I'm sorry if I can't make it as good as it was before. So this chapter is dedicated to all you loyal readers (which I probably don't have many of, but this story gets more hits than my deviant art account) before I lose my Zim touch. Yay!

Zim: Get on with MY STORY! I have no time for such NONSENSE!

Disclaimer: Everyone must have one I suppose. I do not own Invader Zim or any characters in this story except for the weird Irken girl who I made up to throw in a twist! YOU HEARD NOTHING!

---

Chapter Four Dib's Ebil Plan

"Hey you stupid alien-believer!" some ugly kid shouted at Dib as he walked into the classroom. Dib ignored the rude remark and sat down.

"Hey! I was talking to you, moron!"

"I'm sorry, but if you haven't noticed I don't believe in aliens anymore or any such thing.. It's nonsense really. They must have.." Dib refrained from saying that aliens brainwashed him into believing that aliens were real. This was going to be really hard for him, "... just been my imagination."

Everyone stared at Dib and there was a long silence in the classroom. The mood seemed to switch.

"Well it's about time you became _NORMAL_." Jessica, the blonde girl said, while strangely enough, some students congratulated him on becoming sane. He grinned deviously. This was going to be easier than he thought.

Back at Zim's place...

"I do think we should take a trip to the school, just to see if your puny brother has gone insane yet," he commented, working on the computer.

Gaz slid out from underneath the ship, "I guess, it'd be pretty funny if everyone was beating him up or something, now that I'm not there to protect him or whatever."

"Tomorrow we set sail!" Zim said randomly.

Gaz blinked, "Uh yeah, don't ever say that again."

"Sorry. TO THE SKOOL!" he bellowed in his Irken, invader voice.

At da Skool, yo.

Zim and Gaz strode up to the school, talking pleasantly like the best of friends before they noticed the large mob of people standing outside of the school. They held up signs like, "Aliens Are Among Us," "Kill Zim, He's an Ebil Alien," "Dib is cool," and other signs of the sort, except for a weird, red-headed girl who was holding up a sign that said, "Hi Zara!" She must have been confused or something.

Zim and Gaz gasped simultaneously.

"We have to get out of here, Zim!" she said, tugging at his freakishly, skinny arm.

"After them!" Dib ordered, emerging from the crowd. The crowd obeyed in a zombie-like fashion as Zim and Gaz ran towards Zim's lair.

Even Dib was surprised at how quickly his plan had unraveled, but it didn't matter, because soon Zim would be captured and he would be recognized as a hero, and not a crazy, big-headed, dipstick. (Wow, that was a kind of long sentence IMO.) All was going according to--

"Ow!" a large, metal object hit Dib on the head. At that moment, Invader Spork revealed herself.

"Dib! You bumbling idiot!" she said, lowering herself from her ship, adorned in pink, her green skin standing out, "Don't you see what you've done?"

"I've started a revolution against an evil alien hell-bent on conquering the Earth and annihilating all mankind as we know it."

"And it will be your LAST revolution against an evil alien hell-bent on conquering the Earth and annihilating all mankind as we know it," she glared, "Dib... Merry Christmas."

The last statement puzzled him and there was a large explosion as Invader Spork sped away in her ship.

Zim and Gaz reached the underground eliteness of Irken's technologic lab. Zim pressed a button to send a distress signal to the Tallest. His screen flashed red.

"We're sorry, but the call you are trying to make cannot be requested as dialed. If you would like to try again, press one now. If you would like more information, press two now. If you would like to sign up for Visa Check Card, press three now. If you would like to become a member of--"

"Curses!" Zim boomed at the communication screen, "It seems we've been.. cut off."

Gaz blinked, "Two please," she said, pressing a button.

"You have been disconnected due to the fact that the planet your are trying to take over, has not been claimed within the time given. Your hideout will self-destruct in 3 hours. Sorry, try again next millennium."

The screen went black.

Zim started to panic, "Do you know what this means, Gaz! My plans our ruined! What are we going to do!"

"Calm down," she said, "The message said the hideout, so if we just take everything we need from here, then we can get into space and start something new from there. Now let's go, we only have 2 hours and 59 minutes left! And there's no doubt that Dib's zombies will be after us."

"Right, I'll get everything we need," Zim said, and hurried upstairs.

Gaz stayed downstairs and worked on the ship, making preparations, mapping out a course, and making sure Gir didn't do anything stupid. Meanwhile, Zim took the supplies they needed and put them in a bag that could hold a large amount of items. He paused briefly at a filing cabinet, then threw the folders inside of the cabinet into the bag. Within 29 minutes, they were ready to leave.

"Have you got everything?" Gaz asked, her hair in a ponytail once more.

"I'm sure," Zim confirmed and hopped aboard the ship.

"Well take some of the other cruisers with us. I have a distraction that will keep Dib busy for a while."

"What?"

Gaz pulled Gir from out of nowhere and smirked.

"Perfect," Zim grinned.

Gaz bent over to Gir's face, "Okay, Gir. Mr. Squirrelly is outside. Now you got get him!"

"I like nuts!" Gir said and ran outside shrieking.

Gaz turned to the controls and started to push buttons while Zim pulled levers and turned knobs. The ship started to take off. The roof to the house opened and they could see Gir running around crazily outside. They gave Earth one last glance before they exited the atmosphere


End file.
